Dating Needs To Get Equal
In a world filled with narcissists and self-obsessed people, dating has become a sport. A sport that has matches, players, strategy, competition, goals, pros, amateurs, penalties, scoring, spectators, losers, game-time decisions, leagues, physical effort, protective gear. Gawk! Sounds too much already? Well if you win the championship, you get a Ring.
But all these to find love. This crazy stupid love is killing us all. Fighting with true love is boxing with no gloves. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been broken or haven’t found the one. All that matters is, Grind it into your heart and head. Sew it into a pillow and keep it on your bed. And when you want to make excuses for the person who isn’t hanging out with you, pull it out and let it sink in. We learn to live with the pain, mosaic of broken hearts.
I’m starting with a disclaimer “Anyone who has ever given you relationship advice is full of bullshit”. Not that I’m trying to give advice or something.
Men are still taking the lead these days. If not, this problem is no longer salvageable. I’m not saying women can’t take the lead. But women generally want to be asked out, and whoever asks the person out takes the initiative, makes the plans, and sets the tone. Because someone has to. Or there is no dance.
Don’t get me wrong. Just because someone loves to hang out with you doesn’t mean they’re your soulmate or they’re in love with you. But if someone won’t make time for you, then they aren’t into you. The relationship is going nowhere. It doesn’t matter if it’s 2020 or 1989. It doesn’t matter if someone is shy or busy or sleepy or nervous or attached to someone else. As human beings, we can’t help ourselves when we’re into someone. It’s a literal drug. It’s the best feeling chemicals in the world that urge, urge, urge you to be in the company of the person who makes you produce those happy vibes.
If someone is asking you out via text, text them to call you and if they won’t, they don’t deserve to go on a date with you. This isn’t junior high. Man the fuck up. Call them and exchange voices. Texting is a conversation as much as smoke signals are. Talk. Hear them. Feel their energy, vibe. Discover. Dance.
Now the date. Never treat it like it’s a business meeting or something that just happened by chance. The intention isn’t to be friends or strike a business deal. You’re looking for a lover, right? Then act like it. Plan something. Set an intention. Put your best foot forward. Because they are too and it’s your job to set the tone. Ask questions. Be interested and interesting. Order dessert together. Pick up the cheque. Effort. Effort. Effort. Put some into it. You get back what you put in. Now if there’s no connection, that’s okay. That’s all just a part of dating. But don’t act like your time was wasted or that you were ripped off. I know Magical Sparks are hard to find.
If things don’t go well, its okay chill. Don’t be an asshole or lose your mind and be pissed off. Be a good-hearted human, the kind that your kids would be proud of, and be respectful. Know that you got to hear a new story, as did they, and that’s a privilege. There’s no waste in connecting with a human.
If things do go well, then make it clear that you like them. You don’t have to write their name in the sky. But don’t play around. Just communicate and be honest. Most importantly be yourself. But if you are not transparent, you are already messing things up. There is already something false about this and he or she will smell it out and lose trust. And we both know, without trust, you are building on sand. Say what you feel. Don’t wait for the other person to go first. You’re not being mysterious. You’re being lame.
Save dating by putting some effort into it and by being responsible. Save dating by treating people like human beings. Save dating by practicing transparency and showing your true self. Save dating by actually going on real dates. Then maybe we will all have a better chance at love.
True love is not the feel of burning red; it’s golden like daylight. We all want to be defined by what we love. I think that you are what you love. Never stop being yourself.
I hope you all will fall in love with someone who never stops choosing you and I hope you will feel at home when you look at them.
Thank you for reading!
